...by the beginning of next year when the iPad 3 could launch, expect the device to be facing off with a serious Motorola (and Google) competitor.

That killer Android tablet is always just over the horizon.

It's amazing that he got through that whole thing without mentioning the one game-changer that may actually be coming: the Amazon tablet. Depending on where the device's price point is, the rumored Amazon tablet might not even be designed to compete against the iPad, but it's still more likely to be a threat to Apple's tablet than the iPhone 5.

eWeek, eWeek, eWeek. Is this how you want to go through life? Is this where you saw yourself when you decided to get into technology journalism? Get help.

Or, you know what? Don't. Because it's actually really, really funny.