Now I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Times are tough, Cringe. We can barely put food on the table, let alone drop $200 or $300 on what could turn out to be yet another disappointing Microsoft operating system." Well, we have a deal for you. You can upgrade to Windows 7 ABSOLUTELY FREE.

Yes, that's right. For no money down and no money later, you can have the latest, greatest, most whiz-bangiest Windows system ever made (at least, until the next version comes out) and it won't cost you a plug nickel.

All you need to do is buy a new Vista machine today. That's it. It's that simple. Buy a new Vista Home Premium Machine, and we'll upgrade you to Windows 7 Home Premium AT NO CHARGE. Buy a PC with Windows Vista Ultimate, and you'll get discs for Windows 7 Vista Ultimate -- again, at NO CHARGE.

(Disclaimer: Offers ; "free" offers may still involve some nominal cost to buyer. Offer available from June 26 through Jan. 31, 2010, but may also vary by manufacturer. Upgrade , so large enterprises can suck eggs. Buyers must provide DNA samples and swear loyalty oath to Microsoft. Yes, I just made that last bit up.)

You heard right. If you're willing to suffer through just three months of Vista frustration, you can experience the wonders of Windows 7 right in the comfort of your own home for NO ADDITIONAL FEE (except for the additional fees noted above). Better yet, we'll throw in free access to the Windows online support forums, where will taunt you for having problems because clearly you must be doing something wrong, as we all know Windows products are generally flawless.