Whenever I make the mistake of calling up my Facebook page, I scroll down in horror. So-and-so likes Mary's picture. Judy has poked me, whatever that means. Mary-Lou "can't wait for May!" June, who's having salmon and brown rice for dinner, has posted five more baby pictures. (We get it. You had a baby.) Larry has changed his status. He's now sharing with the world that he's separated.

The problem is, I used to be able to find valuable information on Facebook and Twitter. Now, if I'm looking for news from the beat writer who covers the San Francisco Giants, it's so buried in dross that I can barely find it.

Clearly, the narcissists who use these sites must be reined in; and if the government won't do it, I guess it's up to the rest of us. Here are my recommendations. Note that these rules could be adapted to apply to social networks not listed here.

New Facebook rules: You may post only one update per day. You may "like" or comment on only one item per day. You may not add more than one new video or photo per week. You may not constantly change your status. You may never poke anyone outside your immediate family.