And market share is the only thing that matters.

Investors appeared to be disappointed by the announcement, with Apple stock falling more than 2% from US$535.11 per share at 1 p.m. ET (just before the announcement) to US$524.24 by 3:15 p.m. ET (about an hour after the unveiling) before recovering to close the trading day at US$530.69, marginally higher than its opening price Wednesday morning.

Investors were so disappointed that Apple shares were up for the day.

Apparently Hartley believes that only disappointment in the new iPad could have dragged Apple's shares down, but what caused Apple's share to go up are outside forces such as tides and the position of Jupiter.

As antler-bangingly bad as Hartley's piece is, it's not even the worst. No, the worst piece of coverage of the Apple event was clearly keyed by Jolie O'Dell at VentureBeat.