Microsoft wishes to emphasize that all six versions will run on any machine, including netbooks, mobile phones, Dymo labelers, and select brands of toaster ovens. The company also plans to introduce a new labeling system vendors can use to differentiate their devices, based on their processing power. The labels will include Windows 7 Capable, Windows 7 Barely Adequate, and Windows 7 Better Go Grab a Frappuccino This Is Going to Take a While.

Despite all of the variations, however, Microsoft says that for most consumers Windows 7 will really boil down to two versions: the one you purchased, and the one you wish you'd gotten instead.

(Note to readers who've suffered : I'm kidding. For an actual rundown of the many wonders that will be Windows 7, .)

OK, Microsoft fanboyz, start your flamethrowers. The rest of you can e-mail me more civil comments here: cringe@infoworld.com.