No sooner had he finished deconstructing the piece above—almost literally as he was wrapping up and preparing to get on with his life…to start again—then the red alert from headquarters signaled in his secret lair.

Katherine was at it again.

Now, the Macalope’s not gonna lie to you. This is going to be a hard one. Almost every syllable of this piece contains more than the USDA recommended daily dosage of stupid. Even the title could put you over a week’s allowance. Ready?

Children, pregnant women, and anyone with a heart condition should go read some nice how-to by Chris Breen. The rest of you brave souls, just breathe through your nose and stay hydrated. If you need to take a break….