Reed and Dinkin agree that it's important for the victim to to his adversary's response. The victim may believe that the adversary plays his music loud just to annoy him, notes Dinkin, but their dialog may reveal that the adversary is completely oblivious to the effect his music has on others and doesn't mean to bother anyone at all.

The next step in resolving the conflict is for the victim to paraphrase the aggressor's response and make it part of their question-seeking resolution. For example, Dinkin recommends the victim say, "I understand that listening to music helps motivate and focus you, but your music makes it hard for me to concentrate on getting my work done. Is there a way we can resolve this?"

Paraphrasing your adversary's words assures him that you understand his perspective and helps to diffuse conflicts, says Dinkin. "Everyone wants to be heard. Repeating what the other person says demonstrates that you're listening," he adds.

Reed says that if your aggressor denies or makes excuses for his behavior (e.g. "I'm not badmouthing you," or "I didn't mean to make you feel that way"), give him the benefit of the doubt--the first time. If he does it again, confront him, and bring up any promises he made to you when you first spoke about the issue. You might also say, "If we can't resolve this issue on our own, we may need help from management." Hopefully, invoking the boss will get your adversary's attention and compel him to stop acting like a jerk.