Apple ditch AT&T for Verizon? You gotta be Moren.

Look, I'll be honest. The biggest reason I don't want Verizon to team up with Apple? I'm worried Apple will put that "Can you hear me now?" guy in an ad with Justin Long and John Hodgman. I'm not sure my poor, frail heart can take that.

But seriously, folks: Verizon and Apple? It's about as likely as Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd teaming up for a reunion.

We've now reached the aphorism segment of the rebuttal, for which I'll toss out the old chestnut about not changing horses midstream. Apple and AT&T have been partners for two years now, and while that might not exactly be considered "a long-term relationship" in the worlds of business and technology, it's worth remembering that they've released two models of the iPhone together. Even if Apple were going to toss that aside, it wouldn't do so lightly. Someone needs to think of the children, after all.