Still, you never know! That's what makes Apple rumors so addictive!

Speaking of methadone, what's this weak junk ? The next iPhone will be "thinner and lighter with an improved eight-megapixel camera?" You couldn't get a fly high with that. Come on, ! Daddy needs his fix!

About that upcoming iPhone... were you aware that the not-yet-announced iPhone 5 will face "competition" and that these "competitors" represent different "choices" for "consumers," who may "choose" to purchase other options in lieu of the iPhone 5? It's shocking! But, according to another insipid slideshow from eWeek, it's true!

Let us now turn, dear readers, to this painful exercise in stretching the boundaries of plausibility to get a top-ten list, brought to you by eWeek's Don Reisinger.