A cousin sent me an unprintably uncouth reply to a message full of jokes I sent to family and friends. How should I behave when I next see her?

Irked in Irkutsk

Dear Irked, Apologetically. Before sending a chain letter, a list of your favorite cat jokes, a political or religious screed, or a link to a YouTube video of a toddler stuck in a sousaphone, be absolutely certain that the person you're sending it to will welcome it. And the best way to find out just how welcome these unsolicited messages are is simply to ask. A message along the lines of "I occasionally send tasteful jokes that I enjoy to my friends. Would you care to be included?" will help prevent a testy response.

Dear Mac Manners,

In order to avoid spam, I use my Internet Service Provider's challenge-response feature. Oddly, since I started using it, I receive very few replies to my e-mail messages. Have I done something to offend people?