Page 8 features more of that lawyerly stuff before concluding with one last helping of The Paperwork Reduction and Irony Enablement Act of 1995.

Trust me, I never would have filed the complaint -- never, never, never -- had I known that trees would die so needlessly.

One last point: The return address on the letter reveals it was sent not from Washington, D.C., but rather from an FCC facility in Gettysburg, Pa. Abraham Lincoln, whose historic address there required fewer than 300 words, would be mortified.