Hey, get your mind out of the gutter -- we're talking about to its . The cryptic 9/9/09 invites went out to media outlets on Monday, unleashing a flurry of fresh speculation about what might be in store.

The truth, of course, is that no one really knows what's on tap for Apple's hotly anticipated event -- at least, no one who's going to share their knowledge with regular schmoes like you and me. But that doesn't stop everyone and his mother from speculating until their tongues turn blue.

Rather than throw more unsubstantiated-yet-oddly-confident-sounding predictions into the pool, I thought I'd put together a quick crowdsourced guide to the Apple 9/9/09 event. All the theories come from blogs, news sites, and Apple-related forums. Some were stated earnestly, while others were a bit more tentative or even tongue-in-cheek. Still, put together, this info's about as official as it gets.

Apple 9/9/09: Steve Jobs and iPods

Apple will on September 9 in San Francisco. (That much is actually true. Nothing else, though, necessarily is.) At the event, Steve Jobs himself , unless he . He might also appear .