Rise and reclaim your desktop

12.04.2005
Von Steven Schwankert

The Grouch writes from the uncomfortable coach section of an American air carrier. Talk about adding insult to injury. He is filled with indignation towards the technophobic tendencies of his home nation.

But we have more pressing matters to address this month.

One lesson we can learn from the United States is civilian control of the armed forces. This got the Grouch thinking: what about civilian control of the desktop?

More specifically, why are IT wonks allowed to make technological policy for corporations, especially those that are not technology companies? Sales doesn"t tell IT what to do, why should IT make choices for other departments?

It is time for revolution, brothers and sisters. When a situation becomes untenable, incapable of reform from within, then only by external forces can lasting and meaningful change be initiated. Our desktops have been stolen from us, and we must reclaim them.

The Grouch compels you to rise, rise from your ergonomic chair, your windowless cubicle, wherever you are this very moment. Rise and go to your IT department. Go there with burning torch in hand, let no obstacle stand in your way. And when the guy with the Coke bottle glasses looks up, bewildered, the Grouch commands you to scream at him with all the force that your lungs can muster, "I WANT MY DESKTOP BACK, AND I"M NOT GOING TO WAIT ANY LONGER!"

In some ways, we-the technotariat-permitted this situation to come this far, TOO far. In the name of compatibility and integration we accepted so-called standards, which merely represented the whims of one company and its mediocre technology. We did not protest when they forced upgrades upon us, when the fabric of the operating system was torn asunder before patches could mend it, as the worms ate its fleshy code, and the foul temptress Anna Kournikova infected our systems. No, we turned a blind eye in the name of more games, and false platitudes about ease of use.

But that time has passed. The scales have fallen from our eyes, and we look anew upon the machine that mocks us. It greets us in the morning like a cold cup of coffee, or perhaps it follows us home each evening, a plastic and silicon ball and chain, strapped to our shoulder on the MTR.

We can"t store our pictures. We can"t retrieve our files. We can"t configure our printers. And we have had enough.

It is time to demand choice and quality. Spare us your studies about increased or lost worker productivity using this software or that. Those lies will not ring in our ears any longer. Instead, it is time for a new era of products that are easy to use. What good is robustness, scalability and availability, if the average worker cannot master them in a short period of time?

Overthrow the head of your IT department! This running dog of the techno-tyrants is no match for the strength of the workers" movement! Be not baffled by his acronyms, his strange, distorted speech, his references to Star Trek and Japanese comic books. He must bow to the will of the workers.

CEOs, think about this: how often do you require IT assistance for the computers you use every day? Now, realize that you receive more attention and a faster response than anyone else in the company. If it takes hours to get your machine up and running again, how long are the rest of your people waiting? Can you afford that? Is the loss in productivity and connectivity worth whatever you saved on buying cheap hardware, software, or services?

IT managers are notorious for making decisions that benefit, well, IT managers. They have specific training that allows them to do things easily that many of us cannot. Despite his high place of power and esteem in the technology world, the Grouch can"t configure a server, and can"t even configure a Windows machine to run various devices, for that matter. Neither can your average salesperson, marketing person, receptionist, or accountant.

Think of it this way: would you hire an accountant who couldn"t explain the company"s finances to non-accountants? Would you hire a marketing person who couldn"t elaborate on his or her marketing plan for the firm? So why would you hire a person or team who can"t explain what they do in lay terms to most of their other colleagues?

North of Lo Wu, they speak Putonghua, "the common speech," and use simplified characters. Traditionalists cry and whine about the loss of local dialects and the demise of the elegance of the traditional characters, but linguistic reforms have worked to unify the nation and increase literacy. It is time for all employees to find a common technical speech, one that may need to be simplified to increase overall corporate literacy.

No longer should control of technology be in the hands of the few. It is time for the workers to take back the desktop, to take their destiny and productivity in their own hands, to build a new future free from technological tyranny! Choice, usability, and security for all!