Enough already with the Best Places to Work in IT! Anyone reading this issue of Computerworld now has a large pile of ideas for making IT employees more productive, more loyal and happier. With this much material to work from, just about any IT shop should be able to climb that curve.

But what if you have a less fruitful goal: competing to be one of the worst places to work in IT? Here at Frankly Speaking, we"re ready to help with 10 taut, to-the-point tips tailored for CIOs and IT managers who can"t be bothered to read a lot of case studies or good advice. You want to get bad fast? Here"s how:

Hide information. If your IT staffers don"t absolutely need to know, don"t tell them -- not even a hint. True, there"s lots of background info that may help them understand what a project or system is for, and thus how to make it better. But knowledge is power. And you don"t want your staff to have much of either.

Blame. Blame your staff in front of non-IT managers and users when a system goes down or a project falls behind schedule. Blame individual IT people whenever anything goes wrong. Single them out in front of their peers. How can problems be dealt with unless everyone knows whose fault it is?

Go slow. Especially with decisions. Fast results raise expectations. They make IT workers feel like they"re accomplishing something. They make users feel like IT can respond in a timely way to what they need. And really, who wants that kind of pressure?

Distrust. Assume developers don"t understand their projects. Assume project managers are padding schedules and budgets. Assume operations staff can"t keep things working. Display your contempt for their competence, and eventually they"ll live up (or down) to your expectations. After all, if your IT people were any good at what they do, they"d have your job.

Reduce visibility. IT workers don"t need to see the business. They don"t need the business to see them. If they watch line-of-business employees using the systems IT develops and runs, the IT people may get swelled heads. They may also spot ways to improve the systems and make line employees more effective -- and that will take up precious IT budget and resources. Better to keep the IT shop a black box: Nobody sees in, nobody sees out.

Block opportunities. Promotions? New technologies? Exciting work? Forget it. Of course your staff should be satisfied doing the same old thing forever. You are, right?

Stifle arguments. You don"t want IT staffers debating the merits of one technology over another. You don"t want them fighting over details or approaches on a project plan. True, that"s the only way they"ll overcome disagreements and misunderstandings, by thrashing them out. But peace and quiet are more important than clarity. Besides, if they start arguing with one another, next thing you know, they"ll be questioning your decisions.

Outlaw play. You"re paying these people to work, work, work -- not to waste time chatting, letting off steam or building camaraderie. Sure, they"ll do it anyway, and if you forbid it, they"ll waste even more time hiding it from you. But you"ve got discipline to maintain. If it"s not directly work-related, ban it.

Discourage experiments. Even on a small scale. They"re risky. They"re uncertain. And even if there are good ideas out there to be tried, you don"t want to be tarred with having approved a failed experiment. And you surely don"t want to approve anyone else"s idea for an experiment that might end up a success.

Don"t listen. Not to your staff, not to line users, not to your peers. If it"s worth hearing, you"ve already heard it from your boss.

Remember these 10 ways to become a worst place to work. Just stay focused on them, and you"ll always go wrong.

-- Frank Hayes, Computerworld"s senior news columnist, has covered IT for more than 20 years. Contact him at frank_hayes@computerworld.com.