Actually, I'm pretty sure there's no law requiring me to do so.

And that's fortunate. Because I am a fan of baseball, and I very much love Derek Jeter. No offense to Captain Intangibles and his many fans inside and outside of New York's five boroughs, but I root for one of the 29 Major League Baseball teams that doesn't have unlimited piles of cash at its disposal. And thus, I've seen many a promising season for my local nine turn into a pile of charred ashes at the hands of the New York Yankees. And more often than not, it's been Derek Jeter holding the match that winds up incinerating my hopes and dreams.

Is Derek Jeter a fine ballplayer? Sure. Does he deserve the many accolades thrown his way? Probably. Is he a role model for today's youth? I guess. Do I secretly fantasize about running him over with a tank any time he's facing an Oakland pitcher? legal team has suggested I not answer that.

Anyhow, the embodiment of True Yankeedom has lent his name and gallingly handsome visage to , a $3 baseball simulator from . The iPhone and iPod touch game is noteworthy for a rather dubious accomplishment--it's the first time that Jeter, a 10-time All Star and five-time World Champion, has ever been associated with mediocrity.

That may sound harsh, but once you play the game you'll notice that--despite some lifelike graphics and clever controls--Real Baseball comes up short on the realism front.